By Heidi Oran | Feb 13, 2014 |
If there is one commonality in all of humankind, it could easily be the fact that we have all been hurt, felt betrayed, and lost the foundation of trust within a relationship. Trust is something sacred, and when lost the dynamics of a relationship can change completely, and often do. Sometimes it is a conscious shift, other times it lays at a subconscious level - regardless, the damage may seem irreversible.
Trust is what makes us open up completely to others; it is what makes us our most transparent and therefore a solid foundation of trust makes for the best relationships. This may be our parents, our friends, our spouses and partners, or our siblings...
So, what happens when that foundation has a crack in it? How do we repair it and work toward healing and forgiveness?
1. Take Inventory of Your Past
You may feel scathingly betrayed, but consider your past with this person. Have they always been there for you in the past? What were your most tender moments together? This may feel especially painful if you were in fact, betrayed, but it is important to recall this as you work toward healing.
2. Assess the Act
Now that you have recalled your past memories together, think about the particular situation where the trust was broken. Try and step outside of yourself and truly assess the situation by removing all of the emotions built around it.
3. Make a List
Take your knowledge thus far and put it down on paper. Make a list of both the good and the bad aspects of this relationship. This act in itself will allow you to take a more impartial perspective, one that will help you to further detach from the situation that caused the breakdown of trust.
4. Make a Choice
We often waver in the middle when we've been hurt. We want to let ourselves be with that feeling of anger or frustration with the person who hurt us, while at the same time we know we should forgive or let them go, but... that is a choice we are making. At this point, after we have taken a step back and truly looked at our relationship, we have to consciously stop the mind chatter and decide to let go and move forward. It must be a very concise decision or we can be dragged back over to the side of negative emotions again.
5. Let Healing Commence
Trust takes time to rebuild - but by addressing the situation, stepping back and releasing our attachments to the past, and making the choice to let the healing happen, we are truly allowing a new foundation to be built. This relationship will only be stronger for it in the long run.
Team Ghery
